It’s been a few years since my Father passed away but his memory lives on. Since the day I heard the news I’ve been compiling some quotes or other things I remember him saying at some point. Since he was a writer and newspaper editor himself, working at an Canadian agricultural newspaper, Grainews, his entire life, he always wanted his words to be useful. Moreover, since he and my Mom had five kids, he had lots of time to practice making things abundantly clear and in short order!
Below you’ll find a compilation of things I remember my Dad saying. I hope this list helps some others, possibly even some of the new parents out there, who may have an idea in mind but maybe don’t know how to put it into words just yet.
***
“Be careful what you put into your head.” – This was in my teenage years roughly around the time when shock rock was becoming more popular and I began drumming in a rock band. Hearing the type of music I was listening to (mostly metal) my Dad wanted to make it clear that, even though he didn’t tell me not to listen to it, he wanted me to be careful of where I got my ideas from and who I listened to.
“As a man thinketh, so is he.” – Okay, not my Dad’s, but he liked to say it a lot. This quote is actually the title of a book by James Allen in which he discusses a person’s ability to not only control what he thinks, but to be aware of what is going through their mind.
“ ‘I only shot him once.’ Yes, well, now he’s dead.” – I honestly can’t remember the exact circumstances of this quote but I know it has lived on in me and my siblings’ thoughts. In all likelihood he said this at some time when my siblings and I were fighting or something similar and no doubt someone ended up crying. Subsequently my Dad would then lecture us on the consequences of our actions. It might have even been in the car on the way to church or to school, I don’t remember exactly.
“Be nice to each other.” – I don’t think there was any one time he said this but it seemed to be said often enough. And when the grandchildren came along I’d hear him say it again every now and then. Kinda sums up what we need to do, right?
“You can be an ass or an asset.” – Probably one of the more quotable things my Dad said and probably because us kids were misbehaving in some manner. Similar to the “be nice to each other” idea, the concept behind this statement was to make sure we were being helpful rather than being a nuisance. I’m not sure if I’ve ever actually used these words before but they sure do sum up some choices in life.
“It’s only money. You’re young, you’ve got lots of time to make more.” – In reference to how I’d lost money in the markets as I was only beginning to learn how to trade. I’d sold out of my position in Kinross right at the bottom in 2008 and lost my entire investment account in the process. When I told him what I did, he sucked back on his toothpick and said, “I don’t know why you did that.” Because I was losing money. “So, it’ll go back up.” Well now the money’s gone. And then proceeded the above quotes.
“Sell half.” – I’d forgotten about this “rule” of sorts until I re-read some of the tributes about my Dad. Although my Dad made it clear what to do (especially after I’d lost a bit of money in the markets) if you’re either worried about the money you’ve made or the money you’re losing. The idea behind this quote is actually a well-known Wall Street saying: sell to your sleeping point. Whether you’re making lots of money or losing it, if you sell half you’ll be glad to either keep some what you made or cut your losses before it gets worse.
“Wants become needs.” – This was in the early days of the internet and my first venture into using credit cards and other seemingly “free money” things. Whether it was books, CDs, drum parts, or whatever, things piled up and it seemed to be out of control. It didn’t help that Amazon and Chapters made it easy to make “wish lists” and then would send email reminders about the items. It was at that point my Father pointed out that these “wants becomes needs.” Filter your wants, find your needs. Seems so simple now.
“Remember the five-legged stool.” – It is a struggle to remember exactly what all of the legs were but they basically consisted of your primary job, a secondary job, insurance for your life, savings for children’s education and learn how to trade stocks. A lot of people who have families would take these all at face value. However, should you not have kids these things can be taken more generally, especially in regard to the last two. Thus, instead of children’s education or even how to trade stocks, you can instead see it as money for learning (formal or informal) and learn how to manage your money (since stock trading isn’t for everybody).
“Take out a small loan and pay it off. It’ll help your credit score.” – This wasn’t too long after the “wants become needs” quip and was aimed at the idea of beginning to build a credit score. This is something young people (myself included!) don’t seem to appreciate very much but it is kind of important, especially given the financial world we live in today. My Dad’s point here was to get me to start building up my credit score early in my twenties so that when I wanted or needed to apply for a bank loan (eg, for a car or house mortgage) it would be easier to qualify. I never did do this, opting instead for the typical university life of applying for several credit cards and running those up quickly. Later I learned how to use balance transfers!
“Learn how to learn.” – Again, probably something my Dad took from somewhere else but his point that it’s not so much what you have learned, it’s how you are able to learn. My Dad wasn’t strictly an Arts student like myself as he had a mechanics as well as a publishing certificate in addition to his agricultural degree. As he got older and neared retirement in the early 2000s, he started his own stock market newsletter and often told his readers that “we need to learn this. We have to learn how to learn.” And thus ensued all sorts of stock investing and farming analogies.
“Successful people eat more cold meals.” – Not sure where my Dad got this one from but it stuck in my mind. The reason being that most successful people work so hard and so much that they’re too busy to stop and make a hot meal. If they did sit down to a hot meal it would probably be simple and, more than likely, would go cold while they worked on something else. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing and I’m sure there will be a lot of people who argue that you have to make time to eat, but I don’t think anyone will argue with the idea that success comes after a lot of hard work, and sometimes your food goes cold in the process.
“It’s easier to ask for an apology than to ask for permission.” – Again, I think my Dad got this from somewhere else but apparently it’s an old publishing maxim. Basically, take the risk rather than wait for the okay from the higher ups. Of course, you need to measure the risk being taken and be cautious about what you’re doing, but the point remains that it is easier to publish something and then ask for forgiveness rather than asking for permission in the first place. “According to a source who wished to remain anonymous…” Sound familiar?
“You have to do some of these things in life.” – He mentioned this a few times but the time I remember was when I wanted to get out of Winnipeg and start travelling back in 2008. Not just travel, but to live and work overseas. I knew Winnipeg wasn’t where I was going to be for very much longer but I just needed to figure out how to make it work. Despite my Dad being the critical voice and reminding me that I needed money to travel, it also meant that I had to figure out a way to make money while travelling. And that’s how I started teaching ESL.
“Who cares what I think?” – If there is one thing I cannot fault my Father for it’s for pushing me in any one direction. Especially now that I’m in China and hearing the same story over and over again how so many students are just doing what their parents told them to do, I can’t say my Father ever really pushed for me to do any one thing. Rather, he encouraged me to do one thing and was willing to help when asked. When not asked, however, he was content to give an opinion and let you take it or leave it. I find myself saying this to some of the students I teach now when they say “But so and so said this,” and I can’t help but think, yes, but there are many ways to do any one thing.
“So go do what you have to do already and be done with it already.” – Instead of talking about things, just go do them already, that way you’ll know if you can or can’t do it. Similar to easier to ask for an apology than permission but more to do with actions rather than publishing.
“It’s better to be smart with no money than dumb with lots of money.” – On my view of the state of my life after finishing a Master’s in Classics when even my Dad was wondering, “Sooo, what are you going to do with that?” No attachments to speak of, no real job and little desire to stay where I was. Despite the fact my Dad also wondered what I’d do with my degree, he made it clear that it was better to be smart with no money because you can always learn to make more. But if you’re dumb with lots of money, well, there’s little stopping you from messing it all up.
“Everyone is a temp.” – This would be one of the last few things I remember my Dad saying that had an impact, if only because of the humour behind it. If there is one quote that kind of set me straight on the path of “it’s only a job”, it’s this one. This one happened after I’d returned from Australia with a rather sizeable credit card balance (again) and was working in warehouses and garden centres in Winnipeg. I was usually the highest educated, lowest paid employee. I bemoaned the fact that I was still only a temp and that’s when my Dad, in one of our scotch-drinking evenings, very derisively dropped this sentence on me: “Everyone is a temp.” Duly noted, job dismissed!
And a shout out to my Mother for saying something rather poignant about my first university degree, “Your first degree only helps you to think.”